Brigdh (wordsofastory) wrote,

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Fandom Snowflake: Day Six

Fandom Snowflake! Other people are doing it too! So could you!

Day Six: In your own space, share a book/song/movie/tv show/fanwork/etc that changed your life. Something that impacted on your consciousness in a way that left its mark on your soul.

I have to go with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. BtVS and I go way back- I actually saw the original (not great) movie in theaters– and I started watching the show with the very first episode that aired. Looking back, it's not a perfect series by any means (the racial representation, the seventh season; a lot of people have problems with the final episode, though I personally don't), but it's still very important to me, and I'm so glad that I watched it when I did. BtVS was also my first internet fandom; I remember searching for Buffy shortly after we got internet in my house (not googling- this was back in the days before google was everyone's default search engine) and being very intrigued by the message boards that I found, and this fanfiction thing that people wrote.

It's endlessly navel-gazing-y to wonder about these sorts of things– would I be who I am if I wasn't who I am? Who can even answer that?– but I do wonder sometimes about how much watching Buffy when I did influenced who I grew up to be. I'm just about three years younger than the character of Buffy, so she was older enough that she was someone to look up to, but not so old that her life was utterly different from mine (other than the vampires). When I was in college, I never was afraid to walk by myself after dark, and in fact often walked other people (including guys) home from parties. Would I have done that without a show with a tiny girl as the monster hunter? I have never felt particularly restricted or defined by being a woman, and though I'm sure most of the credit for that goes to where and when I happened to be born and raised and my family, having Buffy as my favorite show as a teenage girl didn't hurt. I've never been particularly afraid to go where I want or do what I want, alone or with others. Maybe I would have been like this regardless of what I happened to watch on TV. But this was a show about facing horror and not backing down, about the strength in everyone, particularly the least likely, about self-confidence, about finding and making families, about the core of strength that's left even when everything exterior is taken away. And even though I don't much participate in the BtVS fandom these days, I will love it forever for that.
Tags: buffy, fandom snowflake
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